You’re Always Asking Me

I get so frustrated sometimes.  It’s not because I’m angry or hurt.  I think it’s just because I don’t always get it.  I’m the kind of guy who likes to be “in the loop” of things, and if I’m not included, than I feel as though I am not important or valued enough to be involved.  I guess it’s like that getting-picked-last syndrome you have when you are a kid and it’s dodgeball tournament season during recess. That always gripped me with annoyance; not because I was the last kid picked, but because the last kid picked was always defined as the “last kid picked.”  I felt for bad for them.

I think it’s that same frustration I feel when God doesn’t let me in on His plan.  I know it’s with great wisdom that He keeps me in the dark, but I can’t help but feel as though I am labeled insignificant or invaluable when I don’t understand where my life is going.  If life were a supermarket, than I would be on that table in the middle of the isle where the out of date doughnuts are slapped with a bright orange sticker that says CLEARANCE.  That’s how I feel when I am kept “out of the loop.”  I am out of date doughnuts.

I guess I might say one of the hardest things in life for me to do is just simply believe.  No matter how hard I try, I can’t believe that I am always pursuing the best thing.  I can’t believe that I am doing what I was intended to do.  I can’t believe that God has me in His best interest.  I can’t believe that He really cares whether or not I speak to Him today or encourage someone else to do the right thing.  I can’t believe that I will ever be a man after His own heart.  And I certainly can’t believe it’s not butter!

The Apostle Paul said that in order to be welcomed into the kingdom you have to repent from your sins and believe.  Repenting is easy.  I have had a lot of practice.  But whoever said that salvation is a gift easily attained when all you have to do is simply believe had better pray they he never find me in a dark alley.  I will simply leave a knot on his head.

There is no doubt in my mind why Jesus said, “Narrow is the way.”  Sometimes I think there is no way I’ll ever squeeze through that gate.  Besides, try and tell Him the gift was easy.  He paid a large sum for that sacrifice.  I guess what I am trying to say is that He is always asking me again and again, “Do you believe me?”

He asked that question several thousand years ago and never stopped.  When Abraham traveled up the mountain and laid his only son, Isaac, on the altar, God was asking him, “Do you believe me?”  When Daniel was thrown into the lions den for praying in public, God was asking him, “Do you believe me?”  When David took five stones into his hand and attacked a giant warrior, God was asking him, “Do you believe me?”  When Jesus performed miracles in the streets and taught parables to the common people, He was asking, “Do you believe me?”  When He gave Himself over to the angry mob, He asked Pilot, “Do you believe me?”  When He resurrected from the grave, He went back to the disciples and asked them, “Do you believe me?”

He is still asking that same question today and I can’t help but think that too often I don’t believe Him.  My getting-picked-last syndrome gets the best of me and I wrestle with the truth.  But there is something deeply comforting in the question.  Maybe it’s because He is even still asking me after all these years.  Though I don’t always believe, He still asks me to keep trying.  His persistence forces His value on my life.  I may not be confident, but I can rest assured that because He is still asking me, He still cares for me.

Tags: Christianity, Faith, God, Jesus, Purpose